WRITE LIKE A GIRL
Can we please stop telling women to write their emails more like men?
In the past year there have been THOUSANDS of articles/quippy instagram posts aimed at working women
with an instructional demonstration of how to de-fluff your emails and write like a man.
We watch as an over-the-top friendly email is slowly edited down to as few words as possible and
everything that indicates you are a human being, and not a robot, is retracted.
File attached, can you review.
Best,
Although this advice mostly comes from awesome feminist accounts with the good intention of educating and empowering
women, identifying communication styles to be as broad as male vs female ain’t it.
And then, advising that women should drastically change their communication to match the ‘male’ example?
This perpetuates the very same patriarchal ideal we should all be tearing down:
That ‘male’ behaviour is the preferred – the default ‘norm’ – and the female is the ‘other’.
Why should women have to communicate ‘like a man’ to earn the same level of respect in the workplace?
A: They don’t.
It’s certain that a lot of women identify themselves in these posts - it’s why they go viral. The reality is that we still have a long way to go with gender equality in Australia (READ: universally). Institutionalised sexism, overt or subtle, affects women’s careers in very real ways – and the most notable signifier of this is how it manifests in the ways we communicate.
Statistically, women use more exclamation marks in emails than men, which we are told is bad and makes you look frivolous or unprofessional. Women also use the word ‘just’ three times more than men, on average. Case in point: ‘I’m just wondering if you could do this really-reasonable-and-within-the-scope-of-your-job task today, but only if you have a spare minute!”. This verbal ‘permission-seeking’ plays into the stereotypical ‘fe-mail’ – overly apologetic, too lengthy, often hedging around the point to soften a request or avoid seeming too demanding.
Gender inequality in regards to communication in the workplace manifests in other ways too (that are often more frustrating):
It’s 2021, not 1950. The infuriating gender pay gap aside, women have been CEO-ing and boss-ass-bitching in the office for ages now. A less-discussed but more salient issue with gendered communication today is that women are often called out and reprimanded by their superiors (gender aside) for being too harsh in emails, and are asked to ‘soften’ them. The problem here? Men are absolutely not, no-way-Jose, tone policed in the same way. Or, at all. Ever.
A male colleague asks about your long-weekender by the ocean? It’s not ‘waffling’, it’s ‘How nice that he remembered!’
A male colleague responds to an email with just ‘Ok. Thanks.’ ? He’s a busy professional! Not a ‘rude bitch’.
You do not have to – and should not be expected to – communicate ‘like a man’ to earn equal respect in the workplace. Whatever your gender, we should ALL strive to make an email as succinct and clear as possible, that’s just Communication-101.
Nobody likes a waffler!
I would actually argue that ‘writing like a girl’ gets you further. The power of brilliant banter, which is a real skill, cannot be emphasised enough. People take courses on this shit. And if we’re going to stick to the outdated binaries, conversation with the aim of seeking support for ideas, collaborating and creating rapport, is the ladies’ domain. 💅🏼
People like people who are nice, confident and capable.
And although professionally you might not be striving for ‘nice’, being kind, saying thanks and having a laugh strengthens client relationships. You’ll be memorable, build trust and keep clients coming back (for your solid work AND killer vibes).
EVERYONE should be striving redefine the stereotype of gendered communication styles. There is a sweet spot somewhere thoughtfully in between, that hasn’t got anything to do with the gender of the person talking/typing/texting/hand-written-letter-in-the-mail-ing.
We can be concise and nice.
Persuasive and empathetic. Funny and professional. Apologetic and solution-oriented.
The key is in the balance. Below are our hot tips to level-up your emails.
1) Start off strong
Always say hi. Sounds simple, but this is massively overlooked. Getting a cold email with a straight up FWD or just diving into a request saddens us down to our souls.
Say hello, and the person’s name. Double check their name is spelled correctly. As someone with a weirdly spelled name, I’m always a little bit annoyed when someone gets it repeatedly wrong - I’m not the queen of England or anything, but c’moooooon it’s right there in my email address and signature. Honestly, it does make me like you slightly less. Details matter!
Also, avoid ‘champ’ at all costs. It’s patronising AF. I am a champ, but I don’t need you to say so.
2) A little detail at the top is ✔️
After you’ve e-greeted, a teeny-tiny second of chit-chat is nice. If formal, ‘Hope you had a great weekend’. Or if you’ve spoken more casually recently, a little personal detail at the top shows you’re an active listener and attentive to detail. E.g. ‘Hope your trip to Uluru was amazing!’ or ‘Happy birthday for Saturday, hope it was great!’
3) Don’t overuse qualifiers
Overusing words like ‘might’, ‘just’, ‘maybe’, ‘somewhat’ and ‘possibly’ makes you sound unsure, tentative and – most damagingly – like you don’t know what you’re talking about.
The all time killer ‘DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?’ – dude, it sounds like even you’re confused by you.
Try instead – ‘If you have any questions, let me know’.
4) Don’t apologise for anything that’s out of your control
Can the average woman please put three thousand dollars in the sorry jar for this one. If you truly couldn’t help it, why are you sorry?
To the person hearing it, it sounds like you made an error, and caused whatever the issue is. It also takes away the weight of your apology when you do mean it (Re: next point). When you say ‘sorry’ to a colleague or client it should really mean you’ve had a doozy.
5) Do apologise when you have fucked up
Keep it short and sincere. When you make a mistake, in work or life, have the confidence to own it and apologise! It’s the respectful, strong (and sexy) thing to do. ESPECIALLY if it’s a big blunder.
Blame shifting and listing excuses is gross and will one hundo make them hate you more. A strong move here is to pick up the phone. Explain the mistake (briefly!) and apologise in a genuine way. Acknowledge how this might have inconvenienced them specifically, and offer a solution. E.g. the steps needed to fix the error or a discount on services.
People who preach “never say sorry!” can kindly get in the bin.
6) Structure and length is important
Emails should always be clear, concise and to the point. Every sentence should be relevant and important. Does anyone else internally sigh when they open an email to discover it’s essay length, then promptly close it until they’ve re-caffeinated?
The opening sentence should explain what the email is about. The last should be the question/what they need to action. Make sure to include when you need an answer by.
If you have multiple questions or notes that makes your email look bulky and intense – list them in bullet points. It’s the key to clear and clean emails. They will be able to address each point in more detail. It should be easy for them to respond!
7) RE-LE-VANT. SUBJECT. LINE.
Attention grabbing! Informative! Straight forward! Duh!
If it’s urgent – for god’s sake put that in the subject header. You’re far more likely to open one the that says ‘Urgent – Meeting Changed’ than one that just says ‘RE: tomorrow’.
On the same coin, change the bloody subject header once it’s no longer urgent.
8) Chill out on the punctuation (!!!!!!)
(And smiley faces). Self explanatory. You seem a bit too intense, pal. Be chill.
9) Proof it before you hit send
You’ve crafted your email. You’re ready to tick it off your to-do list. Your finger is hovering over that blessed ‘send’ button. Do yourself (and the recipient) a massive favour and scan it (for all of the above) first. This is especially important if you’re under the pump to fire it off and feel like you don’t have time. That’s when those lil mistakes will happen!
Lost clarity, typos and missing attachments all look unprofessional. Check your recipients are correct, names are spelled correctly, and good lord don’t accidentally cc the person you’re complaining about. Did you ask a question twice? Are you being clear?
Fix it. Breathe. Then fire that puppy off.
10) Write however you want. You’ll figure it out.
Disregard all of the above if you wanna. But if your eyes also roll the full way back into your skull when you read ‘how to write an email like a man’, these are my hot tips.
A QUICK PSA: The whole English language is sexist by design. When compared to most other languages, English is unique as it
doesn’t have a grammatical gender – nouns aren’t masculine or feminine. However, gendered language, that is language that
has a bias towards a particular sex or gender, is SO RAMPANT and comes in many forms. This is sometimes really obvious, but
usually is super subtle. You probably don’t even know that you’re doing it.
It’s an eye-opening deep dive (and whole other kettle of fish to this article). For a good lesson in being more mindful of our ‘default’ language, in a world that’s thankfully becoming less and less based on archaic ideas of gender binary, have a good old read.
Words Haylee Poppi
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